Forgiveness

This is something I struggle with, and at times, I’m not even sure I know what it means. I believe quite a number of people feel this way too, forgiveness is a subject matter that we keep talking about but permit me to say, we never fully comprehend.

Some people say to forgive is to forget. Richard Pettinger in The meaning of forgiveness (read it here) says “to be sincere in our forgiveness of others we should not even remember the incident. Sometimes forgiveness can be conditional, we shall tell somebody we have forgiven them, but maybe later we will bring it up to use it against them. This is not real forgiveness. Only when we do not think about the experience have we really forgiven others". I kind of disagree with this school of thought. To me, you have forgiven someone when you no longer feel angry and you don’t resent the person that offended you. When you can truly think of the person without feeling any need to revenge and wish him/her well.

I stand to be corrected, but how can a person forget about the incident where someone kills his/her child due to drunk driving? How can a single mother who lost her job because a colleague wouldn’t let go of a petty issue forget? How can you forget how someone duped you of all your financial savings? How can a wife who was the bread-winner for years forget about the fact that her dead husband cheated on her all those years and even willed everything she worked for and did in their name to the child he had out of wedlock? I know that with God’s help, all these people can forgive, but it is the ‘forgetting’ part of it I still struggle with especially if the person who hurt you doesn’t change. Can you just completely delete such things from your memory?

I haven’t found any verse in the Bible that says forgetting is a criterion for forgiveness. Colossians 3:13 says “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Matthew 6: 14 - 15 “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Mark 11: 25 “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Luke 6:37 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” Ephesians 4:32 "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

So my dear readers, I would like to say that forgiving doesn't mean forgetting, because we can not just erase our pasts, we can however decide not be prisoners of it. So the fact that you remember how someone hurt you doesn't mean you haven't forgiven them, the important thing is that you no longer harbor any negative thoughts against that person.

Most importantly, "Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." Hebrews 12: 14 - 15

Have a peaceful weekend.